Sexuality is an intriguing act, an attractive mix between culture and biology. Genetic need and instinctive pleasure. Its practice, despite being cathartic, has reached obvious levels of triviality and mechanization in modernity. Many times we go to the sexual encounter like automatons, with predefined ideas about our role in the erotic behavior and thus we try to comply with those protocols and conventions acquired from that world of concepts formed from cultural prototypes.
Pornography, normative gender roles, lack of transparency in communication and a long series of etcetera have created an image of how we should live sex, leading us to a disconnection with what we want and what we feel. We withdraw from our pleasure and the beauty of the moment while we think if we are moving like in the movie or if we are going to be that fuck worth remembering. We assume the role for an exam or a gym workout. We do not freely enjoy our sexuality because we carry out what society told us we had to live, putting enormous pressure on factors such as physical characteristics that should be exciting, the oppressive role of men over women, the duration of the encounter sexual and penetration as the only way to give pleasure. And it can become frustrating because it restrains us, puts a label on us. It limits us mentally and consequently conditions us physically.
One of the principles of meditation explains that "energy goes where the mind is", hence the importance of focusing on the here and now, in order to channel that vital energy towards the moment and place of the sexual encounter, without matter if it is for another person(s) or for oneself. In fact, there are as many ways to feel sexual pleasure as there are people and personalities in the world; and the beauty of sex is in the infinity of its forms, colors and flavors. A friend would say “in bed we are all equal” and that is why we must attend to it with transparency and without rules, with a view to empowering ourselves as equal human beings.
The here and now involves slowing down, paying attention to the desires and needs of our body to create a safe atmosphere where we can expand our consciousness. Tantra contemplates sexuality as the most powerful expression where you can have a transcendental experience in body and soul, free of misunderstandings, guilt and dogmas. Tantric philosophy is based on four principles: "accept oneself and others as they are"; “being present in the moment with all five senses”; “express what you feel and think”, and finally, “achieve a harmonious and fluent movement”. This could be summarized as: acceptance, awareness, communication and harmony. I am going to coin this technique as ACCH.
Sexual satisfaction brings liberation and that liberation can only occur when we stop experiencing sex as a means to reach a point, a routine or a duty, or experiencing it with guilt or as something pornographic. Freeing ourselves from the judgments and tensions of past experiences allows the sexual encounter to flow pleasantly and takes us to higher levels of exploration. There is a lot of fire, sensuality and power in the conjugation of a free mind and body.
I do not intend with this writing to enumerate a list of techniques to practice conscious sex, because consciousness has unlimited dimensions. The essence of reaching a sexual communication with soul, mind and body is in ACCH. To have an idea, the experience begins with the creation of a comfortable, safe and trusting atmosphere, without rushing, without interruptions or expectations. Continue with a calm and synchronized breath where the heartbeat can also be harmonized. Calm down! keep your mind on the sensations of all your senses, feel the pleasure of looking into the eyes, of the soft touch and the exploration of the skin, of the forms, of the aromas. Focus on the caresses and kisses and how the breath permeates each erotic zone of the body. Express what you want and feel. Explore and stop at parts of the body that you have never detailed before. Finally, find a harmonic balance in the movement of your body. If you lose it and start contracting your perineal area to release an orgasm, stop, relax, widen your breath, soften, and reconnect with each other's bodies. Conscious sex allows us to reach other levels of consciousness, increasing the ability to hold energy in the body and circulate it through it. Love is also made with minds.
Sex must be tailored to the situations and our tastes. Let's not let the commodification of life and rapid consumption take away its pleasure and power. Nor that the speed of life deerotizes us and destroys the enjoyment of establishing links with other people. A sexual emancipation with a view to a conscious and liberating sex is necessary. Let's start the revolution in our beds.
Jena, Alemania. Febrero de 2022
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